Monetize Revenge

Its been great Foxy, but we’re just getting started.

13 y/o baby.

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Hey Foxy,

I don’t know why I’m trying to reach out to you through digital space, but I wanted to make sure I covered all possible channels of communication in case you haven’t heard my prayers. 

I miss you so much. I miss you always being there, waiting for me when I came home at work late at night. I miss the way your paws make that clicking sound with every step you take on our hardwood floors. I miss the way you tilt your head out of curiosity when you couldn’t understand what I was saying when I was talking to you. I miss the way you spin around in circles right before I’m about to feed you. I miss how excited you were just at the prospect of taking a walk or going on a car ride. I wish I could bring you home.

Do you remember when you were a baby, you ran into the ocean to try and save me because you thought I was drowning? Do you remember when I was first learning how to swim, you jumped into the pool (before ever swimming) to help me because you thought I was drowning? Do you remember after my first break-up, you came to my room to try and console me because you knew I was sad? Thank you for being the most loyal and caring dog a man could ever ask for. 

There are so many things I wish I could have done better for you. Instead of playing games and hanging out with friends, I should have taken you on a walk or just played with you. All you’ve ever asked for was twenty minutes of my time each day, and I couldn’t even fulfill it. I took you for granted, and I knew I could have done more for you because you asked for so little. 

What I regret most were my actions on the day of your passing. I’m sorry I denied you water the night before the surgery, as I thought that listening to the doctor would increase my chances of seeing you alive and well again. It’s hard for me to accept that the last memory you have of me is one of me walking away from you, while you anxiously try to lead me to the kitchen for water. Furthermore, I’m sorry I woke up late and missed taking you to surgery with Melody and Stephanie. I heard you looked really happy on the car ride there when you were sticking your head out the window. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t give to see that moment today.

What I fucking hate myself most for was when the doctor called right us right before you were about to pass. As I rushed and finally arrived at the doctor’s office, I hesitated to go in for a few seconds because I was so damn scared to see sick. You must have been so scared in that cage alone with the doctor. I know how much you hate strangers. I just fucking wish I could have ran in and held your paw when you were passing. I just can’t fucking forgive myself knowing you passed without someone who you trusted and who loved you by your side. I’m so damn sorry. 

Do you remember a few days before you passed away, I held you in my arms for an hour, talking about the amazing thirteen years we’d spent together and how excited I was about our future? I remember you looked me straight in the eyes as I poured my heart out to you, as if you were telling me that you understand every word I was saying. 

I just miss you so damn much. I’m too scared to go home because I know everywhere I look, there will be something there to remind me of you. 

Wherever you are, be a good girl okay? I know you’re in a better place, but just know that we’ll all be there with you one day for eternity. Rest in peace until then baby. Our journey together is just getting started. I love you so much girl :)

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Your brother,

Alex

The Less Fortunate

I’m not talking about the entrepreneur who fails to land a Series A round of funding. I’m not even talking about the student who can’t pay for his college tuition. I’m speak of those who call the sidewalk their home.

During most days of the week, I bike up University Ave in upscale downtown Palo Alto (a few blocks from LVL6 HQ) to Subway for lunch or dinner and frequently pass by one or two  of the homeless folk without much thought. Today, my ignorance was “compromised”.

As I entered Subway on one of my usual trips, I spotted a homeless man inside I simply could not ignore. He was a crippled old man, sitting in a wheelchair with his head down, not because of the cold outside, but seemingly rather out of shame, afraid to meet eyes of the rich condescending crowd that frequent University Ave. Like many, I dismissed the “sad spectacle” from my mind as quickly as I could and walked past him to order my sandwich. As I walked through the usual procedure of ordering one, I couldn’t help myself from peeking a few glances at the homeless man. Each time i looked, the guilt inside me grew. By the time I got to the register, I knew I would be ashamed of myself if I did not extend a helping hand, but one thing held me back.

I was afraid he had gone insane, and I believed it was surely a high possibility. I cannot begin to fathom the kind of stress a homeless man must bear when he must face the fact that he knows not when he will eat his next meal or if he will survive through the night to see tomorrow. I feared for my own safety. What if he lashed out at me when I offered him my help? I would be unable to reason with him.

Because of this, I conferred my intent to help him with Cooper, LVL6’s UI designer. Without missing a beat (because he has bigger balls than me), he stepped up to the man and asked him,

Are you hungry sir? Can I get you anything to eat?

The man lifted his head slightly, responding in gibberish. Through the gibberish however, we caught the words, 

Lays Chips… Original

As Cooper went to the register to pay for the bag of chips, I took what money I had from my wallet (~$5), placed it before him, and said,

Please buy yourself lunch with this tomorrow.

As he took the money from the table and placed it into his pocket, I caught a glimpse of his hand. It was small, shriveled, and braced in a cast. It was clear the man would never be able to fend for himself again. Yet, he was alone.

As I left Subway, I was not filled with a sense of accomplishment for sharing a few dollars with someone I knew nothing about, but more so a feeling of shame for the mentality our society dons for the less fortunate. Why do we naturally assume that those on the streets are there because they deserve it? Why do we assume that they are there because they did not work hard enough? Granted, even if it were true that they earned their place on the street due to gambling away all their monetary possessions, there is something inherently wrong when we are able to walk away with a clean conscience knowing we have the means to save a man’s life. Could you imagine feeling alienated as dozens upon dozens of people walked past you everyday as if you were invisible? Imagine how far a simple “hello” or “how are you?” can go for such a man.

I find it hard to put myself in the shoes of the homeless man I saw today, but my attempts accentuate how virtuous my life already is. I am only sorry that it took the most helpless of men to make me realize it. 

For the few that read my posts, I hope my story has compelled you to extend a helping hand to someone in need. It may just make all the difference in their lives. 

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Thanks for reading. 

Would You Buy a Virtual Sword for $4.99?

tl;dr: buying virtual goods isn’t as farfetched as it seems.

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Like many, my instinctive response was, “hell fucking no”. Who in the right mind would spend real cash money on a few digital pixels? 

When I left G6pay, I decided to do a start-up in the social mobile gaming space not because of passion, but more so because I knew the money was there. As the primary ad network for many of the top game publishers in the iOS app store, I remember reluctantly cutting checks for tens of thousands of dollars every month in compensation for driving traffic to our brand name advertisers. What became more compelling was that the checks I was cutting them only accounted for approximately 30% of their monthly revenue, meaning they were seeing 6 digit revenues every month with high profit margins (70% after apple tax). 

Confused by the craze over virtual goods, I downloaded Tap Zoo (the top grossing app at the time) by Pocket Gems to experience this social gaming phenomenon for myself.

The app was loaded with all the fine-tuned game mechanics necessary for a top-grossing game. It had the restrictive tutorial (closed environment) that walked the user through the basic gameplay to increase initial user retention. It nonchalantly taught you how to progress faster in the game by spending your premium currency (without telling you that  it’s your premium currency until you’ve spent it all.) It’s numbers are all meticulously calculated so that just when you’re about to buy that awesome lion, your gratification is snatched away by a long 12 hour hatchery wait time (which you can pay to skip of course). I could see where the pain points (which I could relieve with my wallet), but I still couldn’t remotely even compel myself to purchase any of their virtual goods. 

I held this mindset up until recently, when a “revelation” donned upon me. As a child, I was an avid fan of collecting Pokemon and Yugioh cards (spending more than $500 cumulatively). Though I had always known that I was buying a flimsy piece of card stock (if that), there was something about it that I couldn’t explain. Whether it was because the graphic on the card was “holographic” or perhaps because the name of the card shone in the sunlight, I didn’t care. I just knew I had to have the cards. 

Social games today use very much the same concepts deployed by these trading card companies. In World of Warcraft, dozens of players often team up synchronously and raid for hours on end for a 1% chance of acquiring a specific “epic” or “legendary” item. Pokemon booster packs functioned much the same way where (instead of spending hours at a time) a collector would buy boxes of booster packs in hope of opening that one pack that revealed a card with shiny letters. 

Understanding this emotion allowed me to comprehend the behavior and mindset of the average consumer of virtual goods. Tap Zoo was built phenomenally well for the target market it had in mind (female/middle-aged). To them, that super cute bear that’s about to go extinct (can only be purchased with premium currency) represents the exact reason why I continued to buy booster packs (to get that super rare card). 

Zynga has done a phenomenal job on capitalizing on the female market with many of it’s hit titles such as FarmVille or CityVille, but I do not believe it has provided a compelling enough experience for males (no, I wouldn’t buy a virtual gun from Mafia Wars).

This is the very lack that I am pushing LVL6 to fill. I hope that the current title we are working on (and VERY excited about) will be able to tap into the same emotions that I had once experienced with trading cards. Though this behavior monetizes extremely well, I genuinely believe that the gratification when you attain that “legendary” item is one of the best for casual and hard core gamers alike. 

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Thanks for reading

Should You Drop Out of College?

This post was inspired watching my two co-founders contemplate with whether or not taking a leave of absence for the start-up life was worth it. It is also inspired in part by my own struggles. 

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I can’t speak for the rest of the world, but in the little bubble community of Cupertino, almost everyone is “required” to complete college. For my own parents (and like many others), a college degree transcends beyond education, but also to status. No parent is proud to share that the highest degree their child holds is a high school diploma. 

Fortunately, my parents had always held a loose grip on me, (as compared to my peers) which in turn allowed me to pursue whichever passions I loved. Whether it was because they trusted me or because I was spoiled is still a blurry divide, but I strongly believe that it allowed me to assume the “do whatever I fucking want” mentality of an entrepreneur.

When it became time to confront my parents about leaving school, it went relatively easier then expected. I had told her we had received a small seed round from a few angels in Boston and that my Co-Founder (of G6) and I wanted to move to the Valley and pursue our venture. She quickly agreed that I could take 1 semester off if I promised I would one day return. I still intend to fulfill that promise.

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After almost a year away, I’ve finally come to realize that college is less about the education as it is about the experience. It is without a doubt that you learn more practical skills about your intended major on the field than in the classroom. If this is the case, why should we go to college?

Hours before I turned 20, I had an “early life crisis”. I was scared shitless about no longer being a teen and entering the adult world. I began to regret not living up my teenage years of minimal responsibilities and naive expectations of the real world. Then it donned upon me. If I spent all my time regretting about the past, I would soon discover I was 30 and had whittled away my 20’s reminiscing about my adolescence. From this, I realized that all experiences should be embraced.

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So what is college? To many, college represents meeting new people, working late nights, and partying till dawn. As an outlier in my age group, I’ve chosen to enter the workforce early, hang out with people almost twice as old as me, and try to create something meaningful. If I become the next Facebook or Zynga, it means I would not be able to return to school for potentially the next decade. 

Knowing this, I began to realize that I was potentially about to lose my college experience. Sure, I could always go back when I was 27, but it simply wouldn’t be the same. Even partying wouldn’t be the same. For all those in college considering leaving, imagine partying with middle schoolers right now. The age difference would be that vast. It would also not be as easy to meet people your age and make potentially life long friends (but I don’t mind since I belong to a tight-knit group of high school friends.) To me, all these experiences can never be completely recovered, so it is up to you to make sure you’re replacing this experience with something better.

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Knowing this, why haven’t I returned to school? I think the simplest answer is that I believe I’m creating a unique experience for myself at an age very few people are able to do. 99% of my peers are currently in college, embracing an experience that many call the best times of their lives. On the flip side, I am in the 1%, working late nights on ventures that have extremely high failure rates. 

Many believe that I’m working hard now so I don’t have to work later. This couldn’t be further from the truth. A close family friend of mine (Ben Tsai/CTO of Tencor) told me that all moments in our lives are equal, and that they should be equally embraced. That’s why we so often find ourselves reminiscing about the past and wishing we could’ve lived it in a different way. I love working on start-ups and watching a product I create become something that may one day become a world wide demand. My satisfaction is only furthered building games, something I had always dreamed of as a child. Being able to work with two close friends of mine is the cherry on top. 

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Ultimately, it crumbles down to what you value. For the minute amount of readers I have, let me pose a question for you:

You’re 20 years old and you’ve been invited to one of the world’s most prestigious tech incubators as one of their youngest applicants. You’re also backed and advised by some of the most successful people in your industry. Do you risk losing what might potentially be the one of the best experiences in your life for what might potentially be your biggest opportunity in the tech sphere? 

You decide.

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Thanks for reading!

Important Advice Your Parents Never Told You

As I trolled around Quora for interesting topics to read, I found a post that I found particularly enlightening. The question was, “What are important things and advice to know that people generally aren’t told about?” and was answered by Marcus Geduld. Without further ado, here we are.

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1. Marry your best friend.

I am truly amazed that I have the most successful marriage of all my friends — going strong after fifteen years. Most of my friends are amazed, too, because, growing up, I was the geek who couldn’t get a girlfriend. I had almost no relationships until I was in my mid twenties. I got married at 29. I’m now 45 and still deeply in love. Meanwhile, I have seen so many of my friends get divorces and/or grind their teeth through loveless, combative relationships.

What I’ve noticed about these people is that, 90% of the time, (a) they got married really young and (b) they mistakenly thought that long-term romances work best when when they’re based entirely on lust and trivial shared tastes (e.g. “We both like the same bands.”)

Sometimes, I hear people say things like, “I’ve been dating this guy for a year. We get along okay, but sometimes I think about leaving… How do I know if he’s ‘the one’?” This makes me really sad, because it’s SO obvious to me that my wife is ‘the one.’ Why? Because she’s my best friend. Whenever anything good or bad happens to me, she’s the person I want to tell! When I need advice, she’s the person I run to! When I need to laugh, she’s the person I joke around with!

If you don’t KNOW that the other person is ‘the one,’ he’s not (or she’s not). And though it SUCKS to be alone — believe me, I know. I was alone for YEARS — it’s better than settling. DON’T settle. You’ll STILL be alone. It is very possible to be alone while being in a relationship. Many people are.

(Let me be really clear about what I mean by “don’t settle.” I don’t mean “look for someone who is perfect.” No one is perfect. I mean that if you feel luke-warm about someone, he’s not the one. If the person you’re with makes you continually unhappy, she’s not the one. Don’t settle for THAT because “it beats being alone.” It doesn’t. You evolved to think it does. Your brain will continually tell you that it does. It doesn’t.)

The other sad thing I hear is “Bill is my best friend. We have so much in common. He’s always there for me. We talk for hours. I completely trust him and we have the exact same sense of humor … but … I don’t know … the spark isn’t there…” 

When I hear this, I don’t say anything, because it’s none of my business, but I want to scream “GET OVER THIS ‘SPARK’ THING! STOP BELIEVING IN HOLLYWOOD VISIONS OF CATCHING SOMEONE’S EYE ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM! Jesus Christ! You found someone you connect with on SO many levels, and you’re not getting down on your knees and proposing?!? Do you think you’re going to find 30 more people like that in your life?!?” 

The “spark” doesn’t last, anyway. I’m not saying that sex dies or anything. I’m just saying that incredibly exciting, new romance feeling inevitably fades. But, if you’re lucky, what comes next is much, much better. You spend years in that loving, warm place with the person you know you want to grow old with. And if you have good communication with someone, the spark can come later, even if it’s not there at first. 

Lots of people seem to learn this after a long time and a lot of pain. They marry the “bad boy” or the “hot chick” instead of their best friends, because doing so is more exciting. Then those marriages — which are based on nothing — fail. Sometimes, if these people are lucky, they later marry those best friends who they should have married in the first place. If they’re unlucky, they can’t, because the best friends have moved on.

2. There’s no such thing as a “grown up,” and if you try to be one, you’ll wind up becoming a poser at best and a killjoy at worst.

First of all, if you’re waiting for that magic time when you’re finally THERE, give it up. As I ease into the middle age, I can see it will never happen. I will never have learned what I need to lean in order to be a grownup. I will never be 100% confident. I will never stop failing…

People who seem like they have it all together are either faking it or living such incredibly boring lives that they they never face any challenges. 

Let me be clear that I am a responsible person. So if all “grownup” means to you is “someone who does the dishes,” then — yes — I’m a grown up. But it’s not like when I was younger, I was a child … a child … a child … a child … and then I reached some particular birthday and — BOING — I was an adult. 

God, I HATE people who think it’s important to be grown up. They are no fun at all. They are the people who, if you show any enthusiasm that goes beyond what you have to do at your job, inevitably say, “Looks like someone has too much time on his hands!”

Don’t be that guy!

As you go through life — especially when you pass through your 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s — continually ask yourself this: “When was the last time I played in the mud?”

It is VITAL that you play in the mud! You MUST do this or you’ll lose your soul! I am somewhat speaking in metaphor. If you don’t like mud, that’s fine. But when did you last finger paint? When did you last get into a pillow fight with your friends (or with your spouse?) When did you last sing a loud, off-key song where all the lyrics were nonsense words? What was the last time you did something utterly POINTLESS that was great fun?

Playing Scrabble doesn’t count. (I say that as a huge Scrabble fan.) Playing tennis doesn’t count. Those activities are great, but they’re too regimented. They are too much about rules. They don’t involve CUTTING LOOSE, LETTING GO and being VULNERABLE. (By vulnerable, I mean doing stuff that may lead other people to say “Act your age!”)

Getting drunk or high doesn’t count, either. If you can only dance around in your underwear when you’ve had three (or ten) drinks, you’re doing it wrong. One of the reason drugs don’t count, is because they put you in an altered state that is disconnected from who you are when you’re not drunk or high. Your goal should be to become someone who always has a little bit of play in him — not someone who is super-stern and serious and needs chemicals to unwind.

I know that letting go this way is really, really hard for some people. If it’s hard for you, ease into it. No matter how hard it is, surely you can finger paint when you’re alone in your room! Make yourself do it until you can do it without shame — until you can let go and enjoy getting paint on your nose. You will wind up living longer and having less stress in your life. 

And though you can start this in private, try to work towards doing it in the company of someone else. Play is fundamentally a social activity. You will never feel as close to another person as you will when you roll in the mud with him.

Despite the way I sound, I am a very shy person. I don’t, as a rule, go dancing in the streets. But I have a few close friends (and a really fun spouse) with whom I CAN do those things. Those friends keep me alive! I wouldn’t trade them for ten million dollars!

One last thing: if you have kids, what’s your relationship to them? Are you very much the MOM or the DAD. Do you feel like they are the KIDS and you are the GROWN UP? Or do you feel like they’re your friends and you enjoy playing on the floor with them? Of course it’s important to be the grownup for them sometimes. But see if you can ease yourself into a different kind of relationship with them? When did you and your kids last have a snowball fight?

3. Most grownups stop learning. Don’t.

I spent many years as a teacher, mostly teaching computer classes to adults. These were folks who were being forced to adopt new technologies for their jobs. They were very unhappy. They would say, “I don’t understand this stuff! I’m just not one of those computer people.”

What I gradually learned, via long discussions with many, many students from many different occupations, is that this wasn’t true at all. Their problem — though very real — had nothing to do with computers. It had to do with the fact that this was the first time they’d been ask to learn anything new in years. They would have had just as much trouble if their boss had forced them to learn how to knit, juggle or play the guitar. 

Even many people we think of as smart do very few new things every day — things that stretch them. Here’s an example: I used to work for a large auction company (think Sotheby’s or Chirstie’s.) This company employed a lot of “experts.” An expert was, say, someone who had spent decades studying French ceramics. Having done a lot of studying, he can now look at a vase and instantly tell you when and where it was made, what it’s worth, and whether it’s an original or a reproduction. I am not making light of this skill. I certainly couldn’t do it.

But let’s take a look at what it involves: the expert had to spend decades cramming information into his brain. He had to get to a point where that information wasn’t just in his brain but also instantly accessible. Doing all that grunt work was an incredible feat, and the expert has good reason to be proud of what he accomplished.

But if he’s like most of us, he learned most of his knowledge in his 20s. Starting in his 30s, he began coasting. Coasting feels really good and most jobs are built to let experts coast. You know you’re coasting when you can go to work and instantly know how to fix any problem. You’re coasting when you can look at the vase and instantly know when and where it was made. 

You’re coasting if all your problems at work are things like annoying co-workers and long hours. If you never (or rarely) need to do exhaustive research or work out complex problems on paper or white boards, you’re coasting. 

I’m a computer programmer, which means my job is pretty intellectual, and I coast way less than a lot of people: but I STILL coast about 75% of the time. A lot of the code I write is boilerplate stuff. I’m “solving” problems that have already been solved before, and all I need to do is copy, paste and make a few tweaks. 

Doctors coast a lot of the time (at least general practitioners do). They hear the same symptoms over and over again, and in most cases, they can do their jobs very well by doing mental “database searches” and regurgitating answers that worked in the past. This is also the case for non-trial lawyers.

If you’re a “smart person” like me, and if you work in an “intellectual” field, it’s humbling to ask yourself, at each point in your day, “Am I stretching my intellect? Am I coming up with a new solution? Am I facing a new problem that I’ve never faced before?” How much of the time do you do this? 10% of the time? 5% of the time? 1% of the time? How many years have gone by without you having to face a REAL intellectual challenge?

Incidentally, the jobs that we think of as intellectual tend to be the least intellectually demanding (with some exceptions, such as Mathematician and Brain Surgeon). The “dumb jobs,” such as auto-mechanic and football player tend to involve a lot of continual, on-your-feet thinking.

What’s wrong with coasting? Nothing, necessarily, if it makes you happy. But we’re moving into a time period where it’s harder to get away with it. The pace of change has quadrupled and we’re getting hit with new technologies daily. 

But the bigger problem is that “if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” You need to continually give your brain a workout or it will grow sluggish. We all know those people who have retired at 65 and then spent twenty years sitting in front of the TV. What’s sad is that we accept that people in their 80s are going to be sluggish. But that’s not a given. They don’t have to be! YOU don’t have to be. If your job isn’t challenging you, find ways to challenge yourself. 

Note: most people get frustrated when they fail. This is one of the reasons why they quit trying new things. Trying new things inevitably leads to failure. But understand that, if you’re trying anything challenging, it’s going to take you at least a month to succeed at it. A month is the MINIMUM. It’s more likely that it will take you six months.

So if you, say, try to learn the guitar but “fail” at it after a few hours, you haven’t failed. You can only fail at the guitar if you try to play it for six months and, during all that time, make no progress.

4. If you’re an artist or “creative person,” stop trying to “be original.”

Your goal should be to tell the story you’re trying to tell. (Or play the melody or fill the canvas with color or whatever.)

When I’m not programming computers, I spend my time directing plays. I run a classical theatre company. Here’s the main lesson I’ve learned over the years: if I’m directing, say, “Romeo and Juliet,” my job is to tell that story. Let’s say that, in order to make the story clear and exciting, it turns out that Juliet should be wearing a red dress in a particular scene. But I go see another production and notice the actress in that production is wearing a red dress in the scene in which I was going to put MY Juliet in a red dress!

I will feel that very human urge to make my Juliet wear a blue dress, because I don’t want to be accused of copying or “not being original.” I need to get over it. IT’S NOT ABOUT ME. IF it happens to be a case that a red dress tells the story better than a blue dress, then my Juliet NEEDS to wear a red dress. Art is best when the artists serves the art rather than the other way around.

This general rule applies to many things besides art.

5. If you focus on what’s fair and what’s unfair, you’ll stagnate.

John: Someone keeps stealing pens off my desk! Whenever I need a pen, I can’t find one!

Mary: Well, pens don’t cost very much. Why don’t you just buy a bunch of them once a month. Just think of them as perishable items that have to be replenished!

John: I shouldn’t have to do that! It’s not MY fault the pens go missing! People need to STOP stealing my pens!

Mary: Okay. What can you do to stop them from stealing your pens? Do you have a cabinet or something you can lock them in?

John: No!

Mary: Can you tell your boss? If there’s a security problem in your office, maybe he can…

John: I’ve TRIED that. He doesn’t care! He says it’s just pens. That’s not the point! It’s stealing. Stealing is WRONG!

Mary: You’re right. It IS wrong. It sucks that your boss isn’t going to do anything about it, but I guess that’s the way it is. And it seems like it’s causing you a lot of anxiety. Wouldn’t you feel better if you spent $2 on pens once a week? You could just assume they’ll get stolen and get new ones when you need them. That way, you’d know you’d always have a pen!

John: Why should I be the one who has to buy new pens?

Mary: You shouldn’t be, but you are.

John: That’s not fair!

There’s nothing wrong with striving for fairness and justice. But if that’s not possible, it’s pointless to fall into a mode where you’re constantly stressed out and throwing your hands up in disgust. The pen problem literally used to drive me crazy. Then I took Mary’s advice. The truth is, I earn enough money that buying pens a couple of times a month is no big deal. I wish people wouldn’t steal from me, but I’m just not going to worry about it. A couple of dollars a month let me check a worry off my list. THAT is money well spent!

6. If you’re not failing, you’re doing it wrong. 

We need to raise our kids so that they EXPECT to fail and so that they understand that after failing they should keep going. I have finally gotten to a place where I dislike NOT failing. I am suspicious when I don’t fail. Not failing generally means I’m playing it too safe. It means I’m not growing or learning. It means I’m keeping myself from finding all sorts of solutions I could be finding. But the only way to find them is to play past failure.

7. You can’t reason with a lizard.

If someone is hysterical or angry, it’s pointless to reason with him. Don’t try. The “lizard brain” can’t use logic. Understand that you’re dealing with a cornered animal, not a calm philosopher. 

8. Stop reading the newspaper.

You don’t really have to stop. If you enjoy reading it, by all means read it. But if you’re one of those people who gets deeply stressed out every time you read the paper or watch CNN, consider stopping. Why are you constantly putting yourself through this stress? Because it’s one’s duty to stay informed? Why?

Okay, I understand why. We live in a Democracy and blah-blah-blah. Fine. But you’re not required to have a life of stress. It doesn’t help you or anyone else for you to be stressed all the time.

And just KNOWING that there are starving people doesn’t help those starving people. If you have a plan of action, by all means carry it out. Otherwise, give yourself a break. If you feel terribly guilty when you’re not informed, then just give yourself a two-week break. You don’t have to stop reading the papers for life. But get out of the habit of being addicted to stress and sorrow. Your blood pressure will go down.

9. Do something that’s not for money.

Make sure there’s something pleasurable in your life that is completely disconnected with money. In our culture (in all cultures?) money comes with all kinds of baggage. Find something you like to do that will NEVER make you any money. 

If you’re a waitress who longs to be a professional actress, acting in plays for free doesn’t count. It’s great, but it’s not what I’m talking about, because you’re hoping to one day quit waitressing and MAKE MONEY acting. Keep that dream alive, but find some other activity to be your non-money-pleasure. Say, “I like sketching (or whatever) and it will never, ever make me any money. And if someone offered me money to sketch, I’d turn it down, because I want one thing in my life that is forever disconnected from money.”

And it can’t be something connected to duty. Yes, you don’t get paid for raising your kids, and, yes, a lot of that job is fun. But parts of it are a duty. So it doesn’t count. Knitting counts. Playing basketball with your friends counts. 

Hanging out with friends doesn’t count. It’s fun. It’s not about making money. But it’s not a specific activity. You need something that will jolt you out of the belief that most of us have — that anything you spend time and energy on MUST be about money.

10. The hour before bed is for you.

Don’t work right up until bedtime. Even if you “have to.” Take half an hour — even 20 minutes if it’s all you can spare — before you go to bed to unwind in an engrossing way. (Do this even if you’re really tired and would rather not stay up an extra 20 minutes.) By which I mean don’t just sit on the sofa with a glass of wine. If you do that, it’s too easy to start thinking and worrying about work. Spend that time reading a chapter of a fun thriller (not a “classic” that you think you “should” read) or watching an episode of a sitcom that makes you laugh.

Think of this as your duty. It will help you get your work done better the next day. It will help you get to sleep. 

11. There is no such thing as highbrow and lowbrow.

Or if there is, who cares? School has bamboozled us into thinking Shakespeare is superior to “Gilligan’s Island.” As someone who directs Shakespeare plays and reads “King Lear” for fun, I’m here to tell you that the only great art is the art you love. 

Life is really fucking hard. You have to deal with losing jobs, getting divorces, paying taxes and fixing the toilet. Don’t add to your troubles by telling yourself — or letting someone else tell you — that you’re a moron because you prefer beer to expensive champagne. 

If something is beloved by experts, “refined people” and scholars, there probably IS something wonderful about it. If you want to spend an hour with me, I’ll explain to you why Shakespeare is wonderful and what you’ll get out of his plays if you spend some time studying them. But it’s not a requirement. You’re not in school any longer. (Or if you are, you soon won’t be). There’s no teacher waiting for you to turn in your homework.

I am NOT a better person than you because I read Shakespeare. I read Shakespeare because I enjoy it. If I read it because I “should,” I’d be a fool. 

Art is primarily sensual. It can sometimes politicize people or give them intellectual ideas, but what art does best is feed you: it feeds your eyes with colors; it feeds your ears with sounds; it feeds your nerves with “what’s going to happen next????” Life is short. If “24” feeds you more than “Hamlet,” enjoy your feast!

If you feel guilty about watching “American Idol” when you “should be” watching “Masterpiece Theatre,” then agree to challenge yourself once a month. Once a month, you’ll go to a museum or watch a foreign film. The rest of the time, watch and read and listen to whatever makes you sit on the edge of your seat. Whatever makes you sing and dance.

If you’re an “intellectual” like me, take a break from the Bergman films and Shakespeare plays once in a while. Sure, sure. “American Idol” is the death of American culture or whatever. But a couple of episodes of it. It’s pretty engrossing and fun. 

Get out of the habit of labeling things as high and low. There’s stuff that feeds you and stuff that doesn’t. There are acquired tastes which don’t feed you now but which might feed you in the future, once you get used to them. As soon as you get the urge to categorize one thing as “art” and the other thing as “just entertainment,” try to stop. There are different sorts of meals, and it’s great to live in a world with both caviar and Pop Tarts! 

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Thanks for reading!